One of the last posts from Aymee before she starts writing to Maddie on the OUTSIDE!! So excited to see her sooooooon!!!!
Are we there yet?
As I’m writing this, it is Madeline’s due date. Today should mark the end of pregnancy and the beginning of a new life with our daughter. However, it doesn’t feel as special as it did in my imagination. It’s just another day without broken water, without contractions, without adrenaline rushes, without excited yet anxious phone calls. Since the 35th week of pregnancy, I’ve been pining for this day (besides the obvious reasons). The first day of my 35th week, I woke up and the euphoria I had been feeling about pregnancy had vanished. The last month realities hit me like a ton of bricks. My back hurt, my legs ached, simply walking from one place to another exhausted me, I began having trouble sleeping, the heartburn kicked into high gear, sciatic nerve pain began shooting down my back and legs, and in the last few weeks my belly exploded in size, mauling my skin with stretch marks. My belly looks like the surface of Venus. I long for regular jeans, lace-up shoes, hot non-pregnant sex with my husband, and after all that—a stiff drink. I want my body back, damnit.
Today has felt like I’ve run a marathon, but the finish line is missing the ribbon garnish, confetti, photographers’ flashing cameras, and a cheering crowd. Instead, it’s just a bare road with the end hiding somewhere in front of me. What else is there to do but keep running forward?
I want her here—not in here. I want to hold her, kiss her, sing to her, read to her, look into her eyes and watch her respond to my voice. I want to watch Adam do those things too. I want to watch him be a father. I want to sneak into the room and listen to him talk to her in the most honest way; to watch her turn him into mush in her tiny hand without him knowing I’m there.
I just keep telling myself, “Patience is a virtue,” “Good things come to those who wait,” and “The longer you wait for something, the sweeter it is when you get it.” I know it’s true. I’ve had a wonderful pregnancy. I mean really, what a ride! I will forever cherish this time and these experiences. Every time I look at my daughter, I will remember the one-of-a-kind feeling of her rolling around inside; that special connection. But Maddie sweetheart, if I can give you some advice: the trick is to leave them wanting more…