I'm a lot of people around this house... Im #1, the mom.... #2, the wife.... the chef, the maid, butler, the chauffeur, the teacher, the friend, the teammate, the seamstress, the designer, the shipper, the customer service representative, the marketing manager, the web designer, the promoter, the babysitter, the blogger and the list goes on and on.... Im a Stay At Home Mom.... but a Work at Home Mom...... and in my book, that makes me a Never Off the Clock Mom.... sometimes it is so hard for me to shut off... I find myself sitting down to send an email, thinking about what pictures should be edited and listed. I sit down at the machine and think about what packages I should be packing... and I spend hours packing packages, all while thinking about how much I should be getting done on the sewing machine. Finding a balance between work life & home life has been impossible... Why? Because they are the same. Zaq and I bicker about this often... Its impossible for me to just sit down with my husband and relax, Im always sneaking peeks at the iPhone to check emails, or thinking about what i "should" be doing, even though spending time with him is at the top of my list, it never seems to get the full attention it deserves... there is always something to be done, stuck in the back of my mind... Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change my career path for anything... I absolutely love what I have created and couldn't be more happy. Any job you can do in your PJ's, and love.... is a job worth keeping... I just wish that sometimes I could shut off my brain. For example, last night, it was 4:30 am and I was laying in bed sending work emails... I think most normal people were sleeping. Now, that being said, I'm not exactly normal when it comes to the store. I bend over backwards for customers, and try to keep my customer service very high... (trust me) there are a lot of etsy shops that don't keep up the same standards. And my guess would be that they sleep a little easier at night... Somehow my "days off" have changed meaning... instead of sewing, it just means running errands like shipping packages, and picking up fabric... Maybe even cleaning the office... Or it means the weekly "deep clean" of the house... My dinner plans have changed from elaborate chicken parmesan and steak & potatoes... to crock pot turkey chili, crock pot beef and noodles, tater tot hot dish and baked rotini... these are all things that can be made in the AM while my Keurig spits out its first cup of coffee (out of 3 for the day) and my kids eat breakfast... they either cook on low all day, or get thrown in the oven when Zaq's on his way home... (the dinners, not the kids... i don't recommend baking children.) You dont want to know what I live off when he is NOT here.... but Ill tell you anyways. Lean Pockets - Spinach & Artichoke... & Mr. Changs Microwavable shrimp or vegetable egg rolls. Gross right? Totally... don't worry. I always feed the kids proper, and usually organic meals... I just don't as usual take care of myself in the same manner.
I know so many work at home moms (and dads) that deal with these same daily trials... some just as busy, some busier... but i gotta know. How do you do it? Can you shut off? Even if just for a little while... or Am I crazy? I would love some input on the matter, as Im sure there is plenty to be heard :) Love you guys... and i miss blogging... i just (duh, me) have been so busy I havn't had any time... but today i made time just to share this little rant with you.... look forward to hearing what you have to say!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Another amazing post by daddy, Adam. Its been awhile... but well worth the wait!!
Teaching you to be a Lady while you teach me to be a Dad.
By-the-minute journal entry of Maddie and I earlier this week.12:17 AM: I’m on whiskey-number 4 and whiskey-number 5 is looking pretty good right about now. Sure it’s late and I need to be up around 6:30 AM but what the hell?! Taking care of a baby isn’t too hard. She sleeps mostly anyway. Might as well enjoy the night.
12:42 AM: Whiskey-number 5 was just great. Here’s to whiskey-number 6 and getting all nostalgic over old music videos on Youtube.
01:29 AM: Bryan Adams is the most underrated songwriter of all time. I’m sure of it. Hang on, I’m going to call my ex-girlfriend, scream “bitch,” and then hang up.
01:31 AM: Alcohol made me forget about cell phones and their built-in caller id. This will be embarrassing tomorrow.
02:17 AM: ….must…sleep….room…spinning….
06:57 AM: Baby crying. Head splitting. Momentarily try to think of child abuse statutes in my home state but my head hurts too much. Baby still crying. Must do something…
06:58 AM: Pacifiers RULE!
06:59 AM: Pacifiers SUCK! They only work for a minute when she’s hungry.
07:04 AM: Holding Maddie while feeding her. She’s so damn cute, I momentarily forget about my mental-threat of child abuse. Being a Dad ROCKS!
07:14 AM: Maddie just threw up all over me. Being a Dad BLOWS!
07:15 AM: After cleaning up myself and Maddie, she smiles at me and coos. Decide that Maddie can live a bit longer.
09:23 AM: Maddie falls asleep in my arms while we are chilling on the couch. She’s so beautiful and precious. I feel lucky to be alive and am grateful for her and all that I have.
11:35 AM: Maddie cuts a fart that would put the Blazing Saddles campfire scene to shame. I momentarily marvel at the awesomeness of my daughter.
11:36 AM: I check her diaper after the above mentioned fart. Oh. My. God. Screw that, there IS no god. Nothing that foul can come out of something so small and cute.
11:38 AM: Diaper changed and I am forever changed. I now understand battle-hardened Marines and their thousand-yard-stares. They saw it all and came back from the brinks. So did I.
12:04 PM: I get hungry and decide to make a sandwich.
12:05 PM: Every time I walk away Maddie starts crying. As soon as I walk in to where she can see me, she stops crying and smiles. Too cute. But I am hungry. Back to sandwich.
12:08 PM: After four minutes of back and forth from the kitchen to the living room and still unable to construct a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I slowly come to the realization that I’m being schooled by a three-month old. I am shamed. Maddie keeps smiling.
01:17 PM: Maddie goes down for her nap and I hop on the internet to check my chances of spontaneous combustion.
01:18 PM: Outlook not good for spontaneous combustion.
02:19 PM: The wife calls and says we need more diapers. I tell her that she’d better go and get them. She asks me “what?!” I say “nothing, dear. What size?” The wife then reminds me that this is Minnesota and that it’s cold out and that I need to put Maddie in her bunting. I tell her that that is not an appropriate verb to use about our daughter. She says “I said ‘bunting’ you idiot! With a ‘b’ and not a ‘c!’” A quick check from Google confirms this. Again, I am shamed. And apparently a pervert.
02:24 PM: I finally get Maddie into her bunting. Spend a moment marveling at how ridiculous she looks. She looks like Ralphie from A Christmas Story. She looks like something Lewis Carroll would’ve dreamt of while on copious amounts of acid.
03:30 PM: In the past half-hour I’ve managed to feed Maddie, change her, take a shower and get dressed for work. Spend the next seven minutes making sure Maddie doesn’t throw up on my pants or shirt.
03:34 PM: Epic FAIL. Must find clean shirt. Hmm. The one on floor next to the laundry basket doesn’t smell too bad…
03:37 PM: The wife comes home and I leave thirty seconds later.
03:44 PM: Creeping onto the highway at twenty miles per hour, I try to remember what my wife looks like. But in my mind all I can see is Maddie.
04:46 PM: Pull into the parking lot of Best Buy to start my shift. I am beyond tired.
06:32 PM: A customer seems upset that we don’t carry the type of guitar strings he wants. I resist the urge to grab him by the shirt and scream “Hey man! It’s no big deal! They’re just guitar strings! You wanna know what happened to me today?! I got shit on, pissed on and puked on and I’m here smiling. You, you’re all bent out of shape over guitar strings!” But I say none of this.
07:11 PM: Even after all the above-mentioned events of the day, I find that I miss Maddie. I sneak out to call the wife to inquire about the baby. All is fine.
10:36 PM: Done with work. My whole body hurts. I’m so tired that even my hair hurts. I stagger to my Mazda and drive home.
11:11 PM: Home. The wife is asleep on the couch with Maddie resting belly-down on her chest. It is easily the most beautiful scene I will witness all year.
11:22 PM: I make a light dinner, careful to not make too much noise and sit down to eat. As I sit down the wife stirs and opens her eyes, sees me and smiles. Now I remember what my wife looks like. She looks like love and joy. I remind myself that I am very lucky.
12:17 AM: We put Maddie into her crib gently as to not disturb her slumber. She’s a sleeping angel with light red hair, big blue eyes and a mouth that can’t help but smile. The wife gives me a hug and a kiss and thanks me for taking such good care of our baby. Shucks Ma’am. T’was nothing.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
So - new house means new decor... and its beyond time for the boys' room to get a face lift... So naturally, mommy got down and dirty and made not one, but two twin size quilts... two of the prints are Japanese fabric... two are designer cottons... all top of the line materials of course... lined with a 80% cotton/20% poly batting... and super snuggle minky dot on the back... Its so warm and cozy (i slept with it last night, lol) It will be great to keep them warm this winter.... Izzaqs is backed with red minky dot... Zavery's will be backed with either a baby blue, or a tiffany blue... depending on which one matches best when it comes in. What do ya think!?
Monday, November 01, 2010
Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.Oy. All I have to say is “in-laws,” and you know exactly what I'm talking about. The strange and often delicate relationship we have with our significant others' parents. Even if you get along swimmingly with your in-laws, there will always be (at least) one thing about them that drives you crazy to the point of…well, insanity. That thing that makes you want to launch across the kitchen table and strangle them. Maybe it's the way they seem to live in their own parallel universe. Maybe it's the way they always seem to mockingly placate you, ever so subtly, when you assert yourself as a spouse or parent. Maybe it's the need you feel to prove to them you're good enough to partner their child, and parent their grandbaby. Maybe it's all of those, and more.
According to Time Magazine (http://www.time.com/time/
Adam's Mom and I have always gotten along famously--even better than they get along themselves. Near the end of the pregnancy, she and I talked every day, and I think we both enjoyed the companionship. But something seemed to change once Maddie was born. A list of events on both our plates made for a stressful concoction, and in the end resulted in Adam and I feeling overwhelmed, asking (politely) for some space, and her feelings being hurt. Since then, there has been a disconnect between she and I, and sometimes I feel as if Adam is keeping two cats separated in opposite corners so they don't hiss at each other. Or maybe my imagination is getting the best of me.
“In [Cambridge University psychologist Terri Apter's] study [of in-law tension], two-thirds of women said they felt their mothers-in-law were jealous of their relationships with the sons, while two-thirds of mothers-in-law said they felt excluded by their sons' wives.” (I hope that's not the case with my MIL.) I think whatever rifts we experience with our MILs stem from the intense bond each of us feel for our children. That fire that churns within us when we feel someone challenges our comfort zone, within which our parenting skills, relationship adroitness, and love for it all lie.
You can't pick your family. But even when we're at odds, we love those crazy goons. What I do find comfort in is this: even at our worst odds, there is one link--one truth--that forever bonds us: the love, and willingness to do anything, for our children. In that, if nothing else, we can look at each other and share a genuine smile.