Monday, November 29, 2010

Mentoring Monday: Daddy & Maddie Journal

Another amazing post by daddy, Adam.  Its been awhile... but well worth the wait!!

Mentoring Mondays 
Teaching you to be a Lady while you teach me to be a Dad. 
By-the-minute journal entry of Maddie and I earlier this week.

12:17 AM:  I’m on whiskey-number 4 and whiskey-number 5 is looking pretty good right about now.  Sure it’s late and I need to be up around 6:30 AM but what the hell?!  Taking care of a baby isn’t too hard.  She sleeps mostly anyway.  Might as well enjoy the night.
12:42 AM:  Whiskey-number 5 was just great.  Here’s to whiskey-number 6 and getting all nostalgic over old music videos on Youtube.
01:29 AM:  Bryan Adams is the most underrated songwriter of all time.  I’m sure of it.  Hang on, I’m going to call my ex-girlfriend, scream “bitch,” and then hang up.
01:31 AM:  Alcohol made me forget about cell phones and their built-in caller id.  This will be embarrassing tomorrow.
02:17 AM:  ….must…sleep….room…spinning….thank…god….I…don’t….have…to…work…until…five..tomorrow…kid?.. what…kid?
06:57 AM:  Baby crying.  Head splitting.  Momentarily try to think of child abuse statutes in my home state but my head hurts too much.  Baby still crying.  Must do something…
06:58 AM:  Pacifiers RULE!
06:59 AM:  Pacifiers SUCK!  They only work for a minute when she’s hungry.
07:04 AM:  Holding Maddie while feeding her.  She’s so damn cute, I momentarily forget about my mental-threat of child abuse.  Being a Dad ROCKS!
07:14 AM:  Maddie just threw up all over me.  Being a Dad BLOWS!
07:15 AM:  After cleaning up myself and Maddie, she smiles at me and coos.  Decide that Maddie can live a bit longer.
09:23 AM:  Maddie falls asleep in my arms while we are chilling on the couch.  She’s so beautiful and precious.  I feel lucky to be alive and am grateful for her and all that I have.
11:35 AM:  Maddie cuts a fart that would put the Blazing Saddles campfire scene to shame.  I momentarily marvel at the awesomeness of my daughter.
11:36 AM:  I check her diaper after the above mentioned fart.  Oh. My. God.  Screw that, there IS no god.  Nothing that foul can come out of something so small and cute.
11:38 AM:  Diaper changed and I am forever changed.  I now understand battle-hardened Marines and their thousand-yard-stares.  They saw it all and came back from the brinks.  So did I.
12:04 PM:  I get hungry and decide to make a sandwich.
12:05 PM:  Every time I walk away Maddie starts crying.  As soon as I walk in to where she can see me, she stops crying and smiles.  Too cute.  But I am hungry.  Back to sandwich.
12:08 PM:  After four minutes of back and forth from the kitchen to the living room and still unable to construct a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I slowly come to the realization that I’m being schooled by a three-month old.  I am shamed.  Maddie keeps smiling.
01:17 PM:  Maddie goes down for her nap and I hop on the internet to check my chances of spontaneous combustion.
01:18 PM:  Outlook not good for spontaneous combustion.
02:19 PM:  The wife calls and says we need more diapers.  I tell her that she’d better go and get them.  She asks me “what?!”  I say “nothing, dear.  What size?”  The wife then reminds me that this is Minnesota and that it’s cold out and that I need to put Maddie in her bunting.  I tell her that that is not an appropriate verb to use about our daughter.  She says “I said ‘bunting’ you idiot!  With a ‘b’ and not a ‘c!’”  A quick check from Google confirms this.  Again, I am shamed.  And apparently a pervert.
02:24 PM:  I finally get Maddie into her bunting.  Spend a moment marveling at how ridiculous she looks.  She looks like Ralphie from A Christmas Story.  She looks like something Lewis Carroll would’ve dreamt of while on copious amounts of acid.
03:30 PM:  In the past half-hour I’ve managed to feed Maddie, change her, take a shower and get dressed for work.  Spend the next seven minutes making sure Maddie doesn’t throw up on my pants or shirt.
03:34 PM:  Epic FAIL.  Must find clean shirt.  Hmm.  The one on floor next to the laundry basket doesn’t smell too bad…
03:37 PM:  The wife comes home and I leave thirty seconds later.
03:44 PM:  Creeping onto the highway at twenty miles per hour, I try to remember what my wife looks like.  But in my mind all I can see is Maddie.
04:46 PM:  Pull into the parking lot of Best Buy to start my shift.  I am beyond tired.
06:32 PM:  A customer seems upset that we don’t carry the type of guitar strings he wants.  I resist the urge to grab him by the shirt and scream “Hey man!  It’s no big deal!  They’re just guitar strings!  You wanna know what happened to me today?!  I got shit on, pissed on and puked on and I’m here smiling.  You, you’re all bent out of shape over guitar strings!”  But I say none of this.
07:11 PM:  Even after all the above-mentioned events of the day, I find that I miss Maddie.  I sneak out to call the wife to inquire about the baby.  All is fine.
10:36 PM:  Done with work.  My whole body hurts.  I’m so tired that even my hair hurts.  I stagger to my Mazda and drive home.
11:11 PM:  Home.  The wife is asleep on the couch with Maddie resting belly-down on her chest.  It is easily the most beautiful scene I will witness all year.
11:22 PM:  I make a light dinner, careful to not make too much noise and sit down to eat.  As I sit down the wife stirs and opens her eyes, sees me and smiles.  Now I remember what my wife looks like.  She looks like love and joy.  I remind myself that I am very lucky.
12:17 AM:  We put Maddie into her crib gently as to not disturb her slumber.  She’s a sleeping angel with light red hair, big blue eyes and  a mouth that can’t help but smile.  The wife gives me a hug and a kiss and thanks me for taking such good care of our baby.  Shucks Ma’am.  T’was nothing.

2 comments:

  1. This post made me laugh and then cry. My husband and I can't wait to be parents!

    ReplyDelete
  2. What an amazing post! Made me giggle and smile!

    ReplyDelete