Sunday, June 20, 2010

Singer Sunday - "Happy Fathers Day... toooo meeeee..."

FINALLY back to Swinger Sundays - yay! This week... i though it was only appropriate for my hubs to write seeing as it fathers day and all... interested to see what he has to share with you all!


Check check..one...two..is this thing on? Ok so let me begin by saying I am NOT writer or a scholar like some of the other guests that have donated to Tg's blog here. (Sorry you may know her as Amber but she's TG to me) I have never "blogged" or "tweeted" but it seems to be all the rage these days, so when Tg asked me to write something seeing as its Fathers Day and all I figured why the H E double hockey sticks not. Sticking with the theme of the holiday, I figured Id write about what else but being a Dad(and a husband). After a few years I think Im finally starting to get the hang of this adventure, although from what I hear the ride get even more interesting as they get older. I'll let you know. Anyways one of the greatest lessons I've learned while being a parent, I learned from my old boss Tod Ericsson. Keep in mind I am FAR from mastering this lesson, and my reaction time is still something of concern (TG can still tell quite a bit when Im applying this lesson to our own moments of disagreement) Even still in my rookie status, this has saved me from what Im sure would be nothing short of a news van worthy incident on more than one occasion. Ok here it is..
THOUGHT BUBBLE
WORD BUBBLE
Simple right? Now some people, Id say 5% of the human population, are born with an amazing filter where this never has be be applied. Ironically I think those same 5% are either incapable of having children or are born with a chemical imbalance where everything a toddler does is "oh so adorable."
The rest of us on the other hand need to take a split moment when stressful situations come up and make sure we carefully weigh the possible outcomes if our thoughts became words. Still confused? Here's an example.
"Daddy what are you and Mommy doing in the shower?"
THOUGHT BUBBLE= (Well I was trying to put a big enough smile on her face that she'll be able to handle an entire afternoon of you torturing her about when can we go see Toy Story 3 and sucker punching your brother, but now that you've broken my concentration I have to start all over)
WORD BUBBLE= "Mommy needed my help to wash her back while she shaves her legs. Can you go make sure your brother is ok matching his movie buddy?"

See. Two totally different outcomes. Had the THOUGHT bubble come out, Id have one confused 3 yr old. As well... I would've sparked the obvious follow up question, being: "WE'RE GOING TO SEE TOY STORY THREE????!!!"

Heres another scenario.
"Daddy Daddy I made a HUGE BIG GIANT POOPIE in the potty! You come help me wipe please?"
THOUGHT BUBBLE=(You know I can't wait. I can't wait until he has his first girlfriend over, and is trying to act all cool and rebellious and I can relive this moment with her over and over again. Or even better when I get old and he has to help me wipe MY ass...oh that'll be the day. Just you wait. Chipotle EVERY day!!)
WORD BUBBLE="Be right there buddy! You're such a good boy! Great job!"

Last scenario... talking about getting a baby in mommy's belly... *Thought bubble FAIL*
Izzaq: Daddy, does mommy have a baby in her belly? I want a baby in MY belly...
Me: No buddy, boys can't have babies in their bellies, only mommies can.
Izzaq: No daddy, I want a baby in MY belly...
Me: Buddy - we have the babies in our penis... and then the daddy puts the baby in mommies belly.
Izzaq: Daddy, can I put my baby in mommies belly?
*Head/Desk*
amber edit: i could have killed him while listening to this conversation. As soon as i heard that, yelled ZAQ! No! Were all about keeping things open & talking... so when 13 comes around there is no "sex talk" its always open and honest and understood... but DUH! He is 3!!! He can't possibly understand that... UGH! Then we proceeded to hear for a week how he wanted to put a baby in my belly. SO GLAD that is over with... i was waiting to be walking through the grocery store and have him blab about that... i woulda died.

See? Easy right? Well, not always obviously... but doable. Although, I grin when I think about a world where this rule doesn't apply or work. Where no one has a filter. Unfortunately, the world NEEDS men and women to stay together to procreate, which wouldn't be humanly possible in that world. Think about it. Everyday we hop, skip and jump over LANDMINES to keep the family unit together.
"Does this dress make my butt look fat?"
"You don't mind if I stop after work for a beer with the guys right?"
"Hey do you care if my parents come stay for a couple weeks?"
"Really? Its a good size?"

Wow. Talk about a dooms day theory. Maybe the Aztecs calendar ends when the filter is lost!
Luckily the THOUGHT BUBBLE / WORD BUBBLE rule is alive and strong. Happy Fathers Day out there to all the Dads that are lucky enough to have amazing wives that put up with our crap. Trust me. They KNOW we don't want to go to Bed Bath and Beyond. They KNOW we'd rather watch the game or grab a couple rounds with the boys than watch "Valentine's Day" And they DEFINITELY know when we're not saying what we're thinking. But they're happy just to know we care enough to try. Well that and because we'd do anything to make sure the family is happy.

9 comments:

  1. Best post ever. I love it! That is so hilarious! Thanks Zaq for posting!!

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  2. That's a great post! Big kudos to Zaq!

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  3. LOL probably the best post I have read in a while :)

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  4. MORE ZAQ POSTS!..


    Omg... I was actually laughing, out loud :O

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  5. hilarious!!! absofrickinglutely hilarious!!! =)

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  6. The baby part made me literally LOL... haha

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  7. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhaaaaaa!!!

    *BREATHE*

    AAAAAHahahahhahahahhhhaaaaa!!!

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  8. Best Blog Post I have EVER read! So honest & real!

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  9. I love it! Zaq - you need to write a Rant from DaddyLand!

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