Thursday, July 08, 2010

My Making a Baby - WTF.


Now, this may be a TMI post, but its my blog, so im gunna go for it anyways... lol Today I started "spotting" This is now week 9 since my last real period (if thats what this spotting turns into)... Zaq and I have been "trying" to make a baby for 2 months now... Yes... over two months since he said "just do it" over cocktails, and I took out my IUD... yes, I... Now - im starting to get really impatient here... and frustrated... and sad... and really emotional... and after all that, humbled. It was always a big joke to us... this whole baby making thing that is... Neither of the boys were planned.... two little accidents surprises that changed my world for the better... Zaq and I got together in November of 2005, by Feb 2006, I was pregnant with Izzaq.... we work fast, lol In October 12th of 2006 Izzaq was born, and in January, when I went in to get my IUD I was pregnant with Zavery, lol  *ahem* fast.   it was totally insane... but I wouldn't change it for the world... and just for a little flash into what my days looked like... I give you... the three greatest pictures on earth...
this is where it all started... in the hospital... and Izzaq has been picking on Zavery ever since...
This was my absolute chaos... trying to start up RockerByeBaby with a one year old, a newborn... and a super sexy nursing bra, lol
and this... ahhhh this picture... you will notice here my sweetly sleeping newborn... and my happy pre-tot. why? Well izzaq has zavery's blanket and pacifier... and if you look, you will see its still attached to him, lol

So, point of the story is, were fertile... or "fertile mertile" as Hot Mama Gowns says, lol. We make babies and we make them fast... none of this "trying" nonsense... Im starting to wonder if this is just a little reality check... I've always been such a smart ass about getting pregnant... you know, things like... oh - zaq bumps into me in the hallway and I get pregnant... orrrr if he looks at me the right way I get pregnant. And now here I am 2 months into "trying" and I have a miscarriage and a period... im 0/2 and i'm not liking these odds. Now - I should say this... we are not like, "break out the calendar, thermometer, and lets make us a baby" trying. Were just doing the... "hey sex is fun and im not on birth control" kind of trying... and it is... fun that is ;) *sorry mom*
 I dunno... all in all this has been a very humbling experience. I never thought I would have to "try" to have a baby after the first two... and I remember growing up being afraid that I would be able to have kids... I've always loved kids, and if I had the money I would have like 10 of them... but maybe not? Maybe my body won't let me... maybe my body is telling me two is enough? OR maybe... I do have to really TRY? I have lots of friends... healthy, young friends trying to have kids and just aren't getting pregnant... it happens. It happens ALL the time and I am no different. And it really makes me appreciate those who are being so supportive. It's one thing to want something like a dream that seems out of reach... a million dollars... to be president... or an astronaut... but a mom seems like it should be such a simple process. You get married (or not till later in my case, lol), you go off BC, you make a baby... ta-da! BABY! Everyone knows where babies come from right? If not ask izzaq, he will tell you. So many people have to try for years to have a successful pregnancy... some pay thousands... tens of thousands of dollars to get a pregnancy... and some give up trying and adopt... I just don't know how far I would be willing to go... what if a year from now Im still trying... am I willing to pay someone to make it happen? I dunno... I know its only been two months and I feel selfish being pouty about it when some of you are probably laughing at me right now... I just didn't expect it...  I never even considered a miscarriage was a possibility... was just so excited to be pregnant, and now its gone... and here I am again with a most likely failed cycle 2... time to grab a bottle of wine and *cheers* to "third times a charm"... 

9 comments:

  1. If there's something proven about the whole pregnancy from the experiences around me... the more you try, the more concerned & stressed you are about it, the harder it is to get pregnant!

    Amber, just try and forget about how much you want a baby right now, take a deep breath and simply enjoy the process of "making" the baby! ;)

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  2. It'll happen, mama! :] Don't stress and enjoy the other two while there are only two!

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  3. I understand the "never thought I'd have to TRY". My DH and I started dating Oct. 2004, got engaged Apr. 2005 and were pregnant two months later. Then in Sept. 2008 I went off BC and got pregnant in Nov. 2008. Now that DD2 is almost 1, I have bitty baby fever again. We started "trying" when I started getting my period again in March. (By trying I mean not preventing) But we still have not gotten pregnant :( I have even stumped my sister who calls me "Fertile Myrtle". But I know it'll happen, I just wish it would happen soon!
    *Oh and I LOVE the hospital pic! Sibling love at it's best. lol.

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  4. Totally agree with Pilli, when we decided to try I sat and kept track of each time we did the deed and details of it...I did that our first 2 months of "trying" the 3rd month our friend was visiting and I drank more than normal and we did it less than normal and guess what?! Yup 3rd month was the magic month without even "trying" hahah! Best of luck to you and enjoy the "trying"!

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  5. Yea. Trying makes things weird. We had our accidental baby after 6 months of foolin around, lost him to miscarriage, then it too 8 months of trying to make Aedan. Now I am pregnant again after preparing for another 8 months of trying...it took one month. I think life gives it to you in the way that best effs up your plans. Make some plans...it will happen.

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  6. Nicole - great comment... lol this made me laugh :)

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  7. With our 1st we weren't trying AT ALL and our 2nd took a YEAR.. I was so upset I wanted them 18 months apart. It will happen for you girlie:) Best of luck! Can't wait to see that BFP!!!

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  8. Your funny..It will happen i am sure..

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  9. as i tell everyone i know who's trying to get pregnant and can't as soon as they'd like, you're baby just isn't ready yet, when he/she is you'll have a awesome new baby waiting for you!

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