Swinger Sunday: Just your everyday semi-crisis.

An amazing Swinger Sunday post by someone I love dearly. I just can't tell ya who! Fun right!? Totally. Either way, leave her some lovin :)

Just your everyday semi-crisis.
By: Anonymoussss.

Holy moly, thank you to the outrageously awesome Amber for having a Swinger Sunday and for letting me treat it as a place to do a little decompressing to a group of readers that I think are just the bomb.

So its springtime…. And I am 26. And unmarried. And getting ready to finish graduate school. And kidless. And business-owning. And big-dream-having. And, well, unsatisfied, semi-unhappy, and totally freaking out about it.  

For me, springtime always brings this sense of compelling change, a freshening and excitement for things to come.

But not this year. This year its bringing me nothing but daily anxiety attacks.

Age 26 might not seem ancient to you, but it sure seems like it to me. Well, its more that I just think that its too old to not have anything figured out in your life, not have anything solid and stable and something you can rely on to be good and true and unchanging.

For starters, I am in graduate school and own a business.  I worry every day that I am succeeding at neither and really messing up both.  I get medium good grades due to the fact that I can hardly pay attention to class, due to the fact that while I am in class all day long, I also have to be dealing with a ton of things for the business. My business’s growth is 100% dependant on, and often slowed down by, my ability/inability to focus on it, due to my school obligations.  So, therefore, every single day of my life I am freaking out about being behind on this, forgetting that, and just not be able to do the things that both typical business owners and typical students do correctly and on time. It makes me just feel like a failure all day every day. Always apologizing to someone for effing SOMETHING up.

Also, I am in a 3.5 year long (and currently long distance) relationship. It used to be great. But, unfortunately, seeing him once in the last six months and having our conversations only magnify the characteristics of him that I really have major issues with and am not sure I can get over has been really difficult for me and for my happiness level with the relationship.  I am also very social with a lot of friends and that has given me occasion to meet other guys. Ones that are fun, kind, funny, (really sexy/hot,) and think I am the bees knees. Turning down men (that I would typically be falling at the feet of) because I am in a relationship that is only questionably healthy at this point SUCKS. And its giving me a ton of anxiety. Because I am a super crazy and fun and goofy human and want to be having fun at all times. So why am I shutting out these guys that I have a lot of fun with and that could be the perfect person for me? It sucks and I feel like I am in a lose lose situation.  

Now that I am back in the state of Ohio, I also have occasion to see my parents more often lately. They struggle to say ANYTHING positive to me or about me. No, really, I am 100% serious. They put me down, mitigate my achievements, and scream at me for minor things. Now, it’s taken me all of my 26 years on this earth to be able to type this in such a matter of fact nature. This used to kill me before I realized that it wasn’t a matter of me perpetually messing up and sucking, but more of their own suckiness. It feels good to be an adult and know that as I grow and make decisions about friends and life, that I will be able to include or exclude that part of my life as much as I see fit. Its an enormous weight off my shoulders actually. They really beat me down sometimes.

I am also moving back to California in May to complete my final internship before I graduate. I am excited to get back there, but feel so incredibly sad to be leaving a ground op friends that I have had for 20 years and that I have REALLY loved reconnecting with while I was spending a year back in my hometown (as I finish school.) I was able to be there when their babies were born and see them for a casual beer or coffee whenever we were free. Being around loved ones is a priceless feeling and is truly the most important thing in the world to me. So the thought of leaving really guts me.

This then brings me to my general lifestyle panic. In the past 4 years, I have been a bridesmaid in 10 weddings. I am now Auntie to the 8 babies that have already been born from these wonderful relationships. My friends own homes and have stable jobs and wonderful, loving, cozy, and inspiring lives.

And the fact that I have none of these things is reallllllyyy starting to get to me. Is my hyperactivity and moving across the country and around the world every 6 months to do new things and build orphanages and try to save the world now sabotaging my ability to chill out and enjoy the only things that ACTUALLY and truly make life worthwhile? I feel like the answer is yes and I don’t know how to fix it.

And now, here we are in springtime, I have all of this change and uncertainty in front of me, and I can’t help but just panic every minute. And it all compounds onto each other. The needing-to-settle down anxiety increases the love life anxiety which increases the work/school anxiety when I then realize that is my only shot at doing something correctly at the current and then I remember that I am doing quite the opposite. So, that is just the play-by-play of my daily freakout, which takes place over deep breathing with my head in my hands at my desk.

So each day I do this. And each day I tell myself that it will all work out and that I should just keep calm, keep my chin up, and spend the day like I would any other day, with a positive and happy outlook on my life and the people in it and a determination to be a good person and make the world a better place.

But my springtime daily freakouts are just… DRAINING. And I am totally trying to work on getting rid of them.

Do you all have any tricks for any of this? Or calming down about it at all?

Thank you for your ears. I really can’t tell you how much it means to me able to just VENT and unload sometimes. (:

<3
Overwhelmed in Ohio.

Swinger Sunday: Take some time off!

Everyone say hi to Rhiannon - the brains behind Rocky The Zombie... She's amazing and were so glad she stopped by the blog today!


Ok so the idea behind this is to remind everyone to take some time off from everything,  you work hard and you owe it to yourself.. let your mind and body rest, write down some thoughts/plans/ lists if it feels like things are getting too much (a cute notebook and a pen is cheaper than a shrink... my pen is pink and bubblegum scented. yep! simple pleasures)


This is to remind you to at some point to turn off the computer, and turn off the email notifications on your phone! Ok.. ready?


I know I'm not alone in my bad habit of not knowing when to take a break. I work at my day job 5/6 days a week, and the rest of the time I'm working on Rockythezombie. Some of my best etsy friends do all of this and take care of an entire family too... and I think I'm tired!? ha!.. I'm sure they could show me TIRED.


I get up in the morning and finish orders, pack orders, and post orders.. and this is all before I start work at 11am. I then get home around 8pm and go right back to it until the early hours. I wouldn't change it though, I LOVE it.. it's who I am. Of course there is ONE thing I would change.. the day job, if it were financially possible I'd get rid of that. Maybe one day I'll be able to... I've done it before, so I can do it again right? I'm gonna work hard and wait and see...


Don't forget to make time for your friends, I am soooo guilty of this.. I'll not see anyone for weeks, and because I'm so busy I'll barely even notice. In my mind I only saw them last week when actually an entire month has gone by and I've spent it working.


This year I made a resolution to STOP every sunday.. and just do nothing, but this didn't really work.. I discovered I simply can't just do nothing. So instead I bake.. I bake cakes, cookies, pies, and anything else I feel like! It's fun, and makes my house smell amazing, and who doesn't love freshly baked goodies? I've also made a promise to myself that at least once a month I'll go out for dinner with friends, and I'll go to an out of town show with Hud.. I almost forgot how much fun it is to grab some beers, take a road trip to see a band you love, and meet up with old friends you just haven't found the time to see. Uh-mazing.. and totally relaxing, even if it does take another day to recover afterwards ;)
I have to admit that by sunday evening I'm feeling quite recovered and am itching to get back to work on the shop, but that's cool... moderation.. Find your perfect balance :)

Swinger Sunday - by Audrey Hussey from Kaboogie!

Meet Audrey!! An AMAZING work at home mama behind the best shoe store on earth, Kaboogie... be sure to check her out, after your done reading and commenting on her post of course!! 

As a lifelong crafter, I've always been a very discriminating shopper of handmade goods.  Since I won't sell anything I don't think is "perfect" to the best of my abilities, I tend to be a little hard on my fellow artists.  Blame my pop, everything he made was brutally well done.

 

Since I started selling on Etsy over 3 years ago, I've worked like mad to hone my skills, and create the best brand I can.  I've also bought a lot of goods on Etsy, and it got me thinking.  How does one discern between okay crafts you may regret buying, and perhaps forego handmade websites, and the kind of items you treasure always?  How did my first buyers make the decision to spend their money on KaBoogie shoes?

 

I mean, the obvious answer would be the picture.  There's enough threads, Storque articles and Google articles available so that most sellers shouldn't have an issue with photography.  Yet, some still do.  I know I did when I started.  That doesn't necessarily mean my product was poor quality, but again, it didn't help.  So you can't always rely on the picture.  You could take a chance there, and give a new seller a nice start.  Someone with a 2 year old shop, however, should have been able to put some effort into better pictures, even with limited resources.  Also, did the seller give multiple photos so you can see the product from all angles?   With that in mind, I do think picture quality gives some clue as to how serious a seller takes their business.

That doesn't mean they don't make a great product, but it does make a potential buyer have to work harder to decide to take a chance. 

 

Feedback is, in my opinion, one of the more dependable resources a buyer has.  I always check feedback.  I can forgive a negative or two from a higher volume seller, let's say, a misunderstanding about the product, shipping gone wrong, item broke, unreasonable buyer, etc.  Someone with no feedback, though, can seem like a risk.  You have to rely on photos, and a well written description.  Look for comments like "Quick shipment!  Great products!" and especially "Item was defective and seller was SO fast in replacing it!"  Anything to give a clue as to not only quality, but customer service. 

 

That brings me to another well documented, yet little used way to make a well informed decision on whether to purchase a handmade item.  The description should tell you everything you need to know about the item.  I say little used, because as a seller, I get so many questions about products, that is clearly laid out in my descriptions, I conclude that very few buyers tend to read about them.  This works against the buyer, since vital information can be missed, and a potential bad feedback to buyer or seller may be left.  So it's important to read the descriptions! 

 

Once you read everything, especially shipping cost, whether the item is made to order or available to ship, materials, care instruction, etc., ask questions.  Don't take anything for granted.  Are you completely vegan, and want to buy non leather baby shoes?  Ask, don't assume, the soles may still be leather.  Is a soap made with ingredients that give you a migraine?  I bought a DVD on Ebay UK 3 weeks ago.  I did not read all of the voluminous verbage down at the bottom of the page, and never got my video.  Once Christmas came and I didn't get my item, I investigated, and finally read the policy that PayPal payments MUST be made in British pounds.  I ASSUMED Paypal would convert it.  I also didn't read his notice that he was closed for 3 weeks over Christmas.  Ugh.  Buyers, read everything, and ask questions.

 

Asking the seller should take care of two concerns.  One, you (hopefully) get your answer.  Two, you find out whether the seller is a serious business person, the kind who you can fairly well depend on if something goes wrong.  The kind who is available, and communicates with you because they WANT your business.  A seller recently sent only 3 of 4 items I purchased.  I convo'd her, and she had the 4th in the mail, priority, that afternoon.  She lost money in the process, and I know this.  I also know that her product is superb, and she will do whatever it takes to make me happy.  I will recommend her, and buy her products for years to come.  If a seller is new, they may be still ironing out their policies and not know all of the options they have available to settle an issue.  Sometimes you have to keep that in mind, and be patient.  The product may well be worth the efforts.

 

The last, and probably most obvious way to tell if a seller has a good product is their volume.  The top sellers are top sellers because they have several things down.  A quality product, a "brand", meaning a cohesive mix of identity, consistent look, serious approach, great customer service, good feedback, and excellent product photography.  They also have great word of mouth, for all of these reasons.  You can see that they work hard for your business. 

 

When buying handmade products, as with buying any product, you want to think the person put extra care and attention into their work.  Sometimes this won't be the case, but we have multiple ways to get a good idea of whether they did or not.  As a seller, I can tell you that bad feedback is the worst nightmare an artist or crafter has.  I can also tell you, that with all of the junk being mass produced by slave or near slave labor, with no enforced regulations, shipped to us from third world countries, we can no longer ignore the handmade market as a superior option for our consumer needs.  Personally, I would rather spend $10 more on a handmade sock monkey and know there's a similar mom on the other end of the sewing machine, than take a chance that the sweat shop produced monkey from Walmart will fall apart when my boy decides to have a giant stuffed animal battle!

 

Audrey - Amazing, well-written post... and a great guideline for all new (and old) etsy buyers out there... there are a lot of amazing products out there, and a lot of not so great ones... so buyers - be aware... shop a great "brand" likey RockerByeBaby & Kaboogie!! haha

Swinger Sunday: Self- Destructive - the thick and thin of it

Getting back to Swinger Sundays!! Meet the mama behind "My D Cup Vs. Gravity". Leave her some love and stop by and follow her blog!

So, one of my biggest problems with being a bigger girl now is that one upon a time I was extremely thin. I have to remind myself that I was thin because I was not being good to my body. I had "outside" forces that were eating me alive, and my diet consisted of lucky charms, taco bell, and those two for a dollar cookies from the gas station. This went on for nearly ten years. Then, I got pregnant. I stopped using and picked up a fork. Or a fork-lift rather! I gained eighty pounds in nine months and didn't attempt to shed any after the baby was born.

With second baby, I did lose weight. I was on the cusp of having diabetes and that scared the hell out of me. I walked an hour every night in the winter storms, determined to have a healthy baby and an easier delivery. I was measuring out 1/4 cups of pasta for dinner, and writing down all of my carbohydrates. It worked. After delivery, I was fifteen pounds lighter than when I got pregnant.

But here we are now. Baby is six months and I have stopped losing weight. I am not walking so much and constantly feel hungry. I eat a spinach and hard-boiled egg for lunch so that I can eat gobs of peanut butter out of the jar.

I am still self-destructive, only now these are legal activities. What is the drive behind all of this? I have an addictive personality, whether it be drugs or chocolate. I think I need to work on this before I start hopping on the scale.

Amber here: Great post!! I think we all have these bad habits... I defintely have an addictive personality, and im sure there are lots of you out there that battle similar issues. We would love to hear your feedback on the issue!

Singer Sunday - "Happy Fathers Day... toooo meeeee..."

FINALLY back to Swinger Sundays - yay! This week... i though it was only appropriate for my hubs to write seeing as it fathers day and all... interested to see what he has to share with you all!


Check check..one...two..is this thing on? Ok so let me begin by saying I am NOT writer or a scholar like some of the other guests that have donated to Tg's blog here. (Sorry you may know her as Amber but she's TG to me) I have never "blogged" or "tweeted" but it seems to be all the rage these days, so when Tg asked me to write something seeing as its Fathers Day and all I figured why the H E double hockey sticks not. Sticking with the theme of the holiday, I figured Id write about what else but being a Dad(and a husband). After a few years I think Im finally starting to get the hang of this adventure, although from what I hear the ride get even more interesting as they get older. I'll let you know. Anyways one of the greatest lessons I've learned while being a parent, I learned from my old boss Tod Ericsson. Keep in mind I am FAR from mastering this lesson, and my reaction time is still something of concern (TG can still tell quite a bit when Im applying this lesson to our own moments of disagreement) Even still in my rookie status, this has saved me from what Im sure would be nothing short of a news van worthy incident on more than one occasion. Ok here it is..
THOUGHT BUBBLE
WORD BUBBLE
Simple right? Now some people, Id say 5% of the human population, are born with an amazing filter where this never has be be applied. Ironically I think those same 5% are either incapable of having children or are born with a chemical imbalance where everything a toddler does is "oh so adorable."
The rest of us on the other hand need to take a split moment when stressful situations come up and make sure we carefully weigh the possible outcomes if our thoughts became words. Still confused? Here's an example.
"Daddy what are you and Mommy doing in the shower?"
THOUGHT BUBBLE= (Well I was trying to put a big enough smile on her face that she'll be able to handle an entire afternoon of you torturing her about when can we go see Toy Story 3 and sucker punching your brother, but now that you've broken my concentration I have to start all over)
WORD BUBBLE= "Mommy needed my help to wash her back while she shaves her legs. Can you go make sure your brother is ok matching his movie buddy?"

See. Two totally different outcomes. Had the THOUGHT bubble come out, Id have one confused 3 yr old. As well... I would've sparked the obvious follow up question, being: "WE'RE GOING TO SEE TOY STORY THREE????!!!"

Heres another scenario.
"Daddy Daddy I made a HUGE BIG GIANT POOPIE in the potty! You come help me wipe please?"
THOUGHT BUBBLE=(You know I can't wait. I can't wait until he has his first girlfriend over, and is trying to act all cool and rebellious and I can relive this moment with her over and over again. Or even better when I get old and he has to help me wipe MY ass...oh that'll be the day. Just you wait. Chipotle EVERY day!!)
WORD BUBBLE="Be right there buddy! You're such a good boy! Great job!"

Last scenario... talking about getting a baby in mommy's belly... *Thought bubble FAIL*
Izzaq: Daddy, does mommy have a baby in her belly? I want a baby in MY belly...
Me: No buddy, boys can't have babies in their bellies, only mommies can.
Izzaq: No daddy, I want a baby in MY belly...
Me: Buddy - we have the babies in our penis... and then the daddy puts the baby in mommies belly.
Izzaq: Daddy, can I put my baby in mommies belly?
*Head/Desk*
amber edit: i could have killed him while listening to this conversation. As soon as i heard that, yelled ZAQ! No! Were all about keeping things open & talking... so when 13 comes around there is no "sex talk" its always open and honest and understood... but DUH! He is 3!!! He can't possibly understand that... UGH! Then we proceeded to hear for a week how he wanted to put a baby in my belly. SO GLAD that is over with... i was waiting to be walking through the grocery store and have him blab about that... i woulda died.

See? Easy right? Well, not always obviously... but doable. Although, I grin when I think about a world where this rule doesn't apply or work. Where no one has a filter. Unfortunately, the world NEEDS men and women to stay together to procreate, which wouldn't be humanly possible in that world. Think about it. Everyday we hop, skip and jump over LANDMINES to keep the family unit together.
"Does this dress make my butt look fat?"
"You don't mind if I stop after work for a beer with the guys right?"
"Hey do you care if my parents come stay for a couple weeks?"
"Really? Its a good size?"

Wow. Talk about a dooms day theory. Maybe the Aztecs calendar ends when the filter is lost!
Luckily the THOUGHT BUBBLE / WORD BUBBLE rule is alive and strong. Happy Fathers Day out there to all the Dads that are lucky enough to have amazing wives that put up with our crap. Trust me. They KNOW we don't want to go to Bed Bath and Beyond. They KNOW we'd rather watch the game or grab a couple rounds with the boys than watch "Valentine's Day" And they DEFINITELY know when we're not saying what we're thinking. But they're happy just to know we care enough to try. Well that and because we'd do anything to make sure the family is happy.

Swinger Sunday: Its Personal... by Glamasaurus

Meet Andreanna from the cutest shop in the world... Glamasaurus. 


When Amber asked me to do this I was at a loss for what to write about I could write something deeply personal but when it comes down to it I am insanely private.  I guess it's just I worry what people would think Maybe they would assume I am fishing for pity.  Or maybe they would think my story is fabricated.

    Instead of writing something that could delve into a depressing post I think I will just talk about my daughter. Isabella was born the day before my birthday on August 20, 2007.  It was oddly cold that day.
    Since that day everything changed. Being a child who had to grow up too quickly I never want her to go through that. So sometimes instead of cleaning up the house we sit around and cuddle. We slack off on cooking elaborate meals and share PB&J. We watch cartoons and sit in our jammies.
    Not to say I slack off as a mom but instead of focusing on what is important in the adult world maybe I would rather focus on the most beautiful treasure in my world. My house may not be spotless and my hair may be a mess but I have the most important reward of all. The love of my little girl.
    So this did turn into something personal...

and yes... of course thats a RockerByeBaby blanket... ;)

Swinger Sunday - Hardcore mom of four.

Hey guys! Yet another Swinger Sunday... and this week, the beautiful... amazing... hardcore mama of Tout-est-des-roses... read... comment... and love her posts like i do... :) Also... (when you finish here of course... scoot over and read this post... it may be my all time favorite blog post I've ever written. I keep it bookmarked in my toolbar. It was a huge inspiration to me and really helped me make some big changes in parenting and inspired our creative play Christmas... 

My name is Sara Sophia.
I have four children and I home-school, parent naturally and wear fairy wings while I garden.
I believe in being happy wherever you can, and with whatever you have--be that little or much.
I believe moments spent increasing faith and joy are the only moments worth counting.
I love babies.
I love ponies.
I love Jesus.
I love chocolate.
I love my husband.
I love organics.
I love life...kittens....butterscotch....

(not necessarily in that order)

And dude, I completely realize how hokey I sound. 
No--for real.

I realize that when you are a grown woman,
and you wear fairy wings in your garden,
that people think you have issues.
I realize that when all you really want to talk about
is love and patience and peace and joy--
that people think you are an idiot.
(Really, worse than that--
they think you are a self-absorbed, naive, ridiculous idiot)

But, I'm not.
I'm really and truly NOT an idiot:)

I am comfortable with who I am.
I am comfortable with my love of the whimsical and the childlike.
I am comfortable with the fact that I love my childrens toys
almost as much as they do (Etsy stuff is AWESOME).
I am comfortable with the fact that I will always be happy
wearing polka dots WITH stripes (Mother:).
I am comfortable with my beliefs
and my gratefulness for life and its blessings.

It is who I am. Candy fluff and all.

When reading the post  Kyle of Barley and Birch wrote for Amber the other day,
on how being eco-friendly was hardcore
(because all she basically does is work her butt off)
---it really hit home for me.
When you fight for what you believe in,
and stay true to your ideals---no matter how small,
YOU are making a difference.
You can change the world.
Just by being comfortable enough with yourself to say,
"this is how we do things".

And its all good.

Because being comfortable with who you are, is hardcore.

Swinger Sunday - Sometimes being GREEN sucks!

I was so excited to be asked to guest blog for Amber! Well, until I had to think about what to write, that is. RockerByeBaby is all cool and edgy and Amber has cool and edgy friends that do cool things.

I’m just a treehugging law school geek! I have no kids and nothing fun to write about!

But then I just asked myself “What is something you wanted to blog about but can’t on your blog?” And then it hit me: I wanted to write about why being ethical and green really sucks sometimes. So, what follows is the bitter rantings of a pretty square business owner. (: Sort of punky and rockery right?

So--- sometimes being ethical and green all the time sucks!

I own a business that really hangs its hat on being the greenest brand out there. We source organic US-grown cotton to make garments made in the US that are then dyed naturally and printed with waterbased inks. I, personally, have collaborated on some technology that makes our garments easily the most eco-friendly out there. We have our garments sewn by co-ops owned by refugees that are supporting their large families on their work with us. We never cut a single corner on greenness or social responsibility.

Yes, this all sounds great and I sleep easier at night and I love looking people in the eye when I truthfully tell them our supply chain and all that.

BUT what these standards do to my stress levels SUCKS. And sometimes I just want to VENT about it

Jodie, our designer, is a genius. She makes cool stuff. And so she sends me a design I love and I am like “YES!” and then send it to our printer and we can’t get the colors right because of the ec-friendly inks we use. So that is scrapped. Or Jodie and I will want to create a certain product but the co-op that does our work doesn’t have the machinery to handle it. So its scrapped, too. And we want to dye shirts but crunched up bugs and plants can only dye so many colors. So lots of color ideas are scrapped.

Our costs are super high because we are 100% USA made. We donate way over 30% of our profits. We basically donate whatever we have in our bank account. I do this because I feel obligated. I have a business that has a bank account, so I should be helping these people. We grow so so slowly because our margin is small and that margin goes to other people. I’ve never taken a cent from the business personally.

So we go to trade shows and these brands that put the “Organic” sticker on their booth have one garment made from like “organic bamboo” (which is very rare and therefore likely isn’t even organic and bamboo is like... as ecofriendly and polyester, oh, but I digress) and they are dyed in a shade of blue I know uses heavy metals and they are printed with white (which ALWAYS is done using plastic or a toxic wax) and they are acting like they are saving the planet. And I ask where they are made and they smile and say “China  and India of course!” THEN because they have the organic stockers and are super cute and have low prices buyers flock to them. And THEN most buyers look at our pieces, that due to legitimate eco- and socio-constraints are more plain and expensive and the buyers think “Pfft.... no way.”

That SUCKS, right?

So on the weekends, as I chat with friends that are also in the kids industry, I realize how different our lifestyles are. They make blankets and clothing abroad for about $4 each, and wholesale for $40 and retail for $80. They are making draws from their business of over 100k a year and are very well dressed and groomed. They spend their day chatting and designing and paying a large staff and getting massages and going to expensive lunches. I spend my day in dirty jeans with a 8 year old t-shirt getting calls from our sewers that all their kids have the flu and they won’t be in all week and our stuff will be a few weeks late. And then calling retailers to explain. And dealing with sales smaller than similar brands due to our high pricepoint. And dealing with our school in Haiti that has barebones structural support and cash reserves to continue due to the additional people being fed by the rice and beans it stocks. And stressing about the slow progress of our new website because we have no money in our bank account (see previous sentence.) And stressing about how we will pay for our Fall catolog to be printed if I need to send our school in El Salvador a check. And figuring out how to pay Jodie her weight in gold (her worth, basically.) And digging out cans and bottles from public garbage cans to take home and recycle because, well, why did someone throw them in there in the first place?

Being green and ethical SUCKS! It makes me work my ass off all day long just to keep the business moving and grooving and for what? So some kids in Haiti can go to school? So some kids in Texas won’t have to drink water with pesticides? Oh. Uh. Actually, YES.  So I calm down and buckle down and keep doing it.

But sometimes I just need to VENT! So thank you for listening.

Hi guys - its me... i know I mention pretty much, well, all the time... how much i love Kyle... she always amazes me... and this right here... this post is exactly why i wanted to start the Swinger Sunday... a chance for people to vent... spill it all here... get it all off their chest... Kyle asked me if this was too "bitchy" haha... I read it, and said nope, not bitchy at all... thats Kyle. Always working her ass off... Never getting a break... and I now see... not even taking any profits for her hard work. Giving SO much more than she gets... This girl deserves a medal. She is easily the most self-less person i know... every time I think im having a bad day, kyle and I rant on gmail... we usually have a 10 minute "bitch" fest where we freak out about what ridicules thing is going on in the stores... take a deep breath, and move on... But every time, i leave feeling better having had talked to her. Kyle, your amazing. I love you girlie!

Singer Sunday - "It Takes a Village"

This week for Swinger Sunday - meet Andrea! Andrea Maciula-Peters is the owner of Little Squigglers, Inc. and proud wife and mommy to Chris & Ainsley Jane.


Before I was a parent I always heard the phrase, “it takes a village” in reference to raising children but I never really believed it. Now that my daughter is ten months old, I believe the phrase and follow it! My parents and brother live in the same town we do and they often visit my daughter, her grandfather visits daily, and stay active in her life. This past week my husband has left to visit his dying grandmother and we had to stay behind. Cleaning, shopping and cooking with a crawling explorer has been quite a feat. I miss having my husband to rely upon during these times of daily rituals, however it's nice to be able to call my parents or my brother and have them help out.
(My granny was in the hospital when I was giving birth for another injured hip but she still came to see us)


But what happens when we are older. Why does the village mentality leave our minds once our relatives are no longer cute. My husband visiting his dying grandmother made me think of the tasks that now lay in the hands of his family. My own grandmother will be 94 in April and her doctors have determined that she is ready for hospice. My grandfather passed away over 3 years ago and she has been “ready” to die ever since. She has been living in a retirement home, the nicest in town, but still it's so lonely. I always feel so helpless when we visit her, like it’s never enough. The one time I did have to really help her, I felt scared and thrown off guard. Why are we not prepared to take care of the elderly?


I’ve been writing this one piece in bits and pieces all week and Grandma Peters did pass away, very peacefully surrounded by her loved ones. It was the way she wanted. She didn’t have to go through the agony my grandmother has, which brings me back to elderly care. It’s easy to offer to take care of a cute baby, but when someone asks you to visit their elderly relative it’s not so easy.
(Chris' grandparents and Ainsley)


Did you see the movie Benjamin Button? That is exactly where my daughter and grandmother are. Although, my daughter is starting to pass my grandmother. Ainsley is crawling, walking with help, eating on her own, baby talking, reading to herself, and even can play alone for a few minutes without being too distracted. My grandmother used to be this eloquent women whom I loved to listen to, she could always lighten up a room with her comments. Now she struggles to get out the correct words and frustration sets in. She no longer walks and seems to be in constant pain. The village needs to move in and let hospice help but her sons have the power, not me.


So what about single parenting, I have found a new respect for military families, single parents, and widows/widowers. No wonder they are tired and ragged all the time! I want this blog to inspire you to reach out and help someone. Whether it be a single parent, elderly person, or your neighbor that seems to be lonely. Humans are social creatures and if they aren’t asked about their day, smiled at, waved to, cooked for, helped to cross the street, and received some sort of acknowledgment they will be very lonely.


So if you know someone that just had a baby, take them some food. If you know an old lady bring her one of your old magazines and say hello for five minutes. If your neighbor is screaming at his kids again, see if he needs a five minute break and play tag with them or color the sidewalk with chalk. I know you are probably tired and overworked but suck it up, spread some love, and you’ll be glad you did. Overall, if your village has dwindled build it up again! By spreading joy to others you yourself will feel sustained!
(my brother, his daughter, my Granny, Ainsley, Me, and my dad)

Me again - So sorry to hear about your loss doll... i know that feeling all too well. As im sure we all do... and i totally relate to your "takes a village" statement too. I was raised by so many people. Such a huge family always willing to do their share and teach me a lesson or two.  It makes for very balanced people. Now sadly, we live in California and our only family here is our little family of four... its hard. REALLY hard. I really miss my village. Thanks for sharing with us this week.

Swinger Sunday - "A Walk of Faith"

This week - welcome an old friend, Jessie to the "mic"... Jessie has been through a whole heck of alot... and im so proud of her for having the courage to share her pregnancy story with you... as I remember hearing all about it with lil Ben. Such a strong mama for going at it again... and such a pretty little girl her strength has brought her this time around :)
Tonight I decided to continue to claim and accept a part of what makes me who I am - a survivor of preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I decided to do a walk to support awareness and raise money towards finding a cure and/or preventing the condition. Although I can say that in the past I have blamed myself in some sort of odd way for being a victim to this disorder or feeling inadequately made by my creator, I now know that it was never my fault and that God made me perfectly and that why this has happened to me now twice in my life is all but a bigger plan that I will someday know more about when I am laid at rest. What I know beyond all else is that my life has been incredibly blessed with two beautiful children and that my heart is at its happiest with the love I have for them. This walk I am doing, I feel, will sort of be a part of a healing process for me as well. I have sort of felt compelled to do this as well since the birth of my new two-week old daughter knowing that someday she will possibly face this condition as well as it can be hereditary. Last year I turned down doing this walk as it was too hard for me I feel emotionally to face up to the facts of what happened with the birth of my son and the emotional turbulence and shock of knowing my condition so I feel like I have made strides to do the walk this year and hope that I will continue on my journey of closure or peace.
For those of you who have never heard of preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome (I never did either until it happened to me) is that Preeclampsia is a disorder that occurs only during pregnancy and the postpartum period and affects both the mother and the unborn baby. Affecting at least 5-8% of all pregnancies, it is a rapidly progressive condition characterized by high blood pressure and the presence of protein in the urine. Swelling, sudden weight gain, headaches and changes in vision are important symptoms; however, some women with rapidly advancing disease report few symptoms.


Typically, preeclampsia occurs after 20 weeks gestation (in the late 2nd or 3rd trimesters or middle to late pregnancy), though it can occur earlier. Proper prenatal care is essential to diagnose and manage preeclampsia. Preeclampsia, Pregnancy Induced Hypertension (PIH) and toxemia are closely related conditions. HELLP Syndrome and eclampsia are other manifestations of the same syndrome. It is important to note that research shows that more women die from preeclampsia than eclampsia and one is not necessarily more serious than the other.


Globally, preeclampsia and other hypertensive disorders of pregnancy are a leading cause of maternal and infant illness and death. By conservative estimates, these disorders are responsible for 76,000 maternal and 500,000 infant deaths each year.


I developed pre-e and HELLP with my son suddenly in 2008 at 35 weeks into my pregnancy. I had a rare case of pre-e with non-typical signs of the disorder. I became very sick after my delivery as my liver was affected. I had to be on magnesium sulfate for a few days after giving birth to prevent me from having seizures. My son did well with only needing some breathing help the first day and a half. He is a normal, beautiful, average young 21 month old currently and is such a joy to raise.


I developed pre-e and HELLP with my daughter recently the last week of February, again in my 35th week of pregnancy. Thanfully, doctors caught it in its early stages and I was able to deliver (as delivery of the baby is the only cure for the condition) a beautiful, glowing baby girl who did fantastic after delivery not even needing breathing help. I was able to avoid being on drugs after delivery and had a much shorter stay in the hospital than my first birthing experience. My daughter is doing wonderful at home and is just a doll - can't wait to see what sugar and spice she brings to us!

I am touched that Amber donated to my cause and has me as her blogger guest this Sunday. She is an amazing woman with a big heart for people. If you would like to donate to my walk on May 8th around Lake Phalen in St. Paul, Minnesota, please visit the following website: http://www.promisewalk.org/pfpw/participantpage.asp?fundid=68&uid=188&fkroledescid=5&nnaffundid=12
Thank you for your encouragement. :)
Me again guys! If you have a few bucks to spare PLEASE donate to Jessie's walk :) Her goal is $100 and she is only $65 away! YAYYY Jessie! If you want to donate less than $15 just put choose OTHER in the donation box and you can enter in your own dollar amount. Every $1 helps and is much appreciated. And Ill make you a deal... for every $1 you donate to Jessies cause, Ill match it in a gift certificate to RockerByeBaby up to $20 per person... Give Jessie $15... Get a $15 GC for the shop. Cool!? COOL!

Swinger Sunday - "The Mommy Thing"

Welcome Brooke - from Brooke Van Gory to the stage... i love Brookie... and im sure you all do/will too.. 


Most days, I wake up in the morning, and want to shove the blankets over my face, and go back to sleep. But I drag my butt out of bed, and get to doing what I do. Which is be a mommy. Now here is the kicker. I have some friends that are mommies, and they have kids no older then 3, and they cannot for the life of themselves understand why I have such a tough time on a day to day basis.

Well, here goes the gist of it. With a baby, you get 12 hours of sleep out of them after they start sleeping through the night. OK, I have that, Gory is almost 1, so that is doable. And I work from home, so that would allow for me to have time after 8pm to work, and I could work during nap time, and life would be dandy! But Evan, on the other hand, well, now that is a whole other different story. I wake up at 6am to get Gory out of bed, then wake up Evan to get him ready for school, I feel Gory a bottle, while making sure all Evan's homework is in his backpack, drive him to school, and come back real quick to feed Gory breakfast. At 2pm, I load Gory BACK into the car (nap be damned at this point) to pick Evan UP from school. Get home to start his homework (did I forget to mention that Evan is special needs, and ADD, and it sometimes takes up to 2 hours a night for homework!??!) make dinner, and then try to clean up a bit. And now that Evan is almost 10, his bedtime is 9:00. So that is hard, It is hard finding time to balance a school aged tween with an infant. It is hard for Evan to understand that Gory sometimes needs things, and I need to help him, and put Evan on the back burner for a minute. It is harder then I ever imagined. But you know what?
I have the best 2 sons I anyone could ever wish for. Evan is the most caring brother to Gory, and having him be older, makes him respect Gory even more, and he is patient to a fault. Gory loves Evan, and calls for him each morning to come see him in his room. The bone between them is magical, and on the days when I feel like I am about to lose it, it is the love of these two brothers that makes me realize that I am doing this mommy thing right.

Keep Rockin' mama... we talk daily... we rant daily... sometimes we laugh, sometimes yell... sometimes wanna cry... but your right... were working our asses off and doing this mommy thing right... 

Swinger Sunday - "Oh Noes!!"

Welcome this weeks Swinger, @fentonslee! 

In raising Snapdragon, I have done a lot of "greening" of our daily routine.  My goal is to spend less, give him less exposure to nasty grosstastic chemicals, keep his carbon footprint as small as his little foot, and set a good example.
So we breastfeed. We use cloth diapers.  We use cloth wipes. We hang dry when it's sunny, and sometimes when it's not.
How many trees have been clear cut for his baby? I thought none.
But he has a runny nose.
An icky gicky squicky runny nose.
A sad bad and definitely not rad runny nose.
And what am I to do? Wipe it of course.
Well, then I kissed and loved and hugged on him too much. Now I have a runny nose.  A yucky mucky unlucky runny nose.
Now, if you breastfeed, I'm sure you're familiar with being pinned beneath a nursing baby and needing to blow your nose. Well, I couldn't reach any tissues or even a friendly roll of toilet paper. But I could reach the cloth wipes, and in a moment of desperation, I used one to wipe my nose.
News flash. It worked. It worked, didn't hurt, and since then has washed up just lovely.
So the runny nose has a new thought running through my head.
Bring back the hanky.
Oh, and I'm a little embarassed that we got sidetracked with the whole disposable thing to start with.
So we're going to do this, and if you think "ew, cloth nose wipes, that's gross..."
No, "it'snot"...

Thanks so much doll for your post! I have SOO been there before too :) Hence, the reason Booger Bashers were born... Ill have to send you some... that way, your not accidentally wiping boogers with poo, lol cuz that would be just yucky. ;)

Swinger Sunday - To hell with "normal"

**Hey everyone! Welcome to another Swinger Sunday! Duke from Righteous Duke Designs  has graced us with a most amazing post this week. You should really take the time to read it... he's a great writer and I enjoyed giggling aloud this morning while drinking my coffee... maybe if I ask him nicely, he will make me some more... ;) Duke - you are most definitely invited back any time... Thanks... Readers... PLEASE comment w/ your opinions... he has earned them...**


We all like blogs that are juicy and self-revealing. (I don't know why it is, but any blog article I personally read I feel like there is this unseen grandstand full of fans, "GOOOOO FOR IT!!!!!" , and reveal every last detail, racing across goal-line of TMI. No one likes the awkward feeling of too much info --until we can read it in print. "Oh! An article titled 'All My Dark Secrets of Quirky Personal Issues Revealed'?? Don't mind if I do!!!"
If there is a first "Unspoken Rule For Spouses", it would also be that same rule that also makes a blog deliciously fun to read; you gotta be ready to embrace embarrassment. That writer is hanging themselves out there over the abyss of ridicule and hilarity, and God bless 'em, we hang on every candid word. So, with that -I feel a slight draft, because a'danglin' I go.
I've got some jacked up view of  roles, brother.
Its funny when you think about it; all our lives, all of us learn to live in and fulfill certain "roles". We have a certain role we perform when we "do this", a role we play when we "do that"; we are a certain way when we talk to our friends - and usually a completely different way we talk to our parents LOL or our boss.  We ignore and pass on prospective people to date because they are "not right for the part" of the 'role' we need them to play. We need -or more likely, we think we need- them to fulfill "this" role. Best friend, assistant, wife/homemaker, breadwinner, stay-at-home mom, knight-in-shining-armor.roles we mentally audition people for, all within the unspoken confines of our own minds, with the candidate none the wiser. These roles, the parts people we know play, and that we perform with them in turn, are rarely ever discussed, but yet they govern so much of our interaction with everyone around us.

When things get serious -"roles" collide at top-speed in a fantastic wreckage of talent, argument, areas where we're gifted, areas where we are weak, and best-laid-plans. In a marriage everyone starts out all "Wow & Fireworks!". But when you say "I do"... all the covers come off and your closet full of  "roles"gets examined by that other person. Yep -guess what; that hot dude or fine babe --they are gonna see all your mess, smell your not-so-nice odors at the most inopportune times... or want to come in and have a "serious talk" while your stuck on the toilet, helpless and with no dignity. Yeah, just another one plucked at random... you know, out of thin air. Not that that's happened to me.
My wife and I enrolled in the crash course of marriage hell, meeting and marrying in just under 3  weeks.  Sailing along on clouds of utter bliss and passion, we finally hit 5 months. The fight was on. Bliss and passion became mortal combat, and when we'd run out of emotional barbs and artillery, we'd pull out our left-over plastic cutlery from Wendy's and proceed to fight on, to the death -metaphorically speaking. We'd fight about such earth-shattering topics like the toilet seat -up or down- or how she leaves wet towels hanging on door-knobs.  Truly worthy causes for modern non-bloody warfare? Not so much.

Well; my wife's patterns -or "roles", her ways of doing things, and mine -led us to live in a running gunfight of verbal and emotional chaos for about 6 months. All due to patterns and roles we thought the other person "was supposed" to play. I was "in-character", performing my "role"  the way I was used to -"supposed" to be reacting, and she was turning in her Oscar-winning role, arguing the way she was used to arguing. We just played out our "Roles", leaving destroyed progress, smoldering in our wake. She'd make a statement, and uncannily, my "scripted dialogue",  how I thought I was supposed to respond, would let fly from my mouth a split-second later, and BOOM!  There went the heavy artillery, before I even had a chance to cease fire or raise the white flag of peace.
Admittedly,  I still treat counter tops as horizontal storage units, amassing a literal museum of clutter in a seemingly instantaneous moment. She still leaves her jeans... right where she drops them. And they stay. right.there. She pours heaping amounts of French Vanilla creamer in her coffee after she's already poured her coffee into her cup, while I rail against the heavens to her that it will taste better if she would just put the creamer in before she pours in the brown liquid gift from God into her cup. **Duke, I do the same thing... for you - i will try to change, lol except mine is Fat Free French Vanilla, ;)**

So, after 7 years, and 2 kids; we now work together, both professionally, and privately. Professionally, we own and operate Righteous Design; a graphic design & web-development firm, while privately we referee our sons, Batman and Robin, from taking over the world -and all of it combined utterly baffles our relatives. Why? Because we fit no pattern of what is "normal" to them.
We don't look normal. We don't work normal. We don't live normal. But, to bring this to a conclusion; what is normal? May I say again."To hell with normal!"  I have spent the last 2 years building @RighteousDesign while my wife worked her Network Engineering job of 10 years playing the role as "bread winner" for our house.  My wife, with her Jedi-like ability to fix anything with a power cord and draws electrical current, installs any appliance we get in the house or office.   Me.I cook. I do the dishes. I do the laundry. Now, before some of you kindly send me an apron and a hair-net, I also make forays out into ice-storms for comfort food, I kill the spiders and other wee beasties found here in the mid-west that cause my courageous, world-traveling wife to scream for help, as if we were  being invaded by zombie hordes. She'll lay out a problem, challenge, dilemma or list of options, and the lightbulb will go off over my  head and I'll catch what she needs to do with what. Sometimes it is just a change in a color palette, or a tweak to a graphic, a change in approach. Whatever. Somehow I just "see" it, and we're off and running again.

If you are good at something; run with it. If your spouse is good at something; let them run with it. If your co-worker, your junior vice-president, your office manager, your assistant -your kids -if they show an aptitude, let them run with it. And you should too.

Goal number one: survive -whatever it is, however long it takes- with the important relationship(s) intact. (There are, of course, exceptions to this, as sometimes people show their true colors under stress. Or, we finally are enlightened enough to actually see those colors- and we must separate ourselves from these unhealthy persons.) But the relationships we know to be important to us; where there is a mutual commitment, an investment of time, where both trust and a degree of personal feeling of some strength is present -we must find a way to survive. Together.

Taking proverbial hammer in hand and whacking those around us into metaphorical holes that are not their "shape", due to the fact that that's just the "role" we ' know' and unconsciously operate by, and want them to operate by  -is counter-productive.

My wife does what she's good at, I do what I'm good at. She changes diapers, I explain things to our boys about why their private parts "do funny things". Best "man" (and by the word "man", here, I mean that in a gender-neutral way) for the job does the job, and the other backs him or her up.

The next time you're at a stalemate, and its time to divvy up assignments - remember this scenario --- We (my wife and I) were installing the HD-TV/Surround Sound/Blu-Ray "Trifecta of Awesome" in our first "real" apartment. My wife had her head buried within a cabinet of cables and wires while I was flipping through the instruction manual -which, true to our abnormal roles, she of course completely ignored. I finally, feeling useless and frustrated just asked her "What can I do?"

"Make some coffee?"

**Grrrrooowl.**

Swinger Sunday - Pizza & Movie night by NiftyNappy!

So I am a guest here but I wanted to let you into our homes on a typical Friday night!  

Even when we are away from home we have to have it. We are away this weekend staying with my sister.  Fortunately they like to have pizza and movie night also. Only tonight we are going to eat pizza and then go to a movie! Fun huh? the kids are way excited! Funny how traditions stick no matter what huh? My kids get upset if we say we are leaving town on the weekends. Even to go visit family!! "What about pizza and movie night?" or "We have to have pizza and movie night!" You'd think they would be excited to go see grandma or play with their cousins. We really hope this tradition sticks though AND that it is still cool when our kids are teenagers. They can have friends over and we can bake like 6 pizzas, but we will know what our kids are up to and be able to have fun with them. That is the end goal of this tradition!

Want our recipes?  We have 2 that are the backbone of our tradition!

first the pizza the kids love:

1 c. warm water

1/4 c. sugar

1 Tbsp. yeast

(if it is active dry yeast it needs to sit and bloom here for a few min. -instant yeast press on!) 

1/4 c. oil 

1 egg

mix all together, add

1 tsp. salt

3-4 c. flour till soft dough

let rise to double, roll out. 

Makes 2- med round or 1- 13X15 cookie sheet

bake @400 for 12-15 min. until crust is golden brown

Sauce recipe

8 oz. can tomato sauce

1 tsp. garlic salt

1/8 tsp. chili powder

1/8 tsp. onion powder

1/2 Tbsp. dried oregano

1/2 Tbsp. dried basil

1/4 tsp. pepper

mix and spread on rolled out pizza dough

we use the regular toppings: 

olives (lots of these)

pepperoni

sausage

bell peppers

mushrooms

cheese  

This other pizza is super yummy!  

We found it here online while looking for a healthier pizza, since we do eat pizza once a week!  

Chicago Deep-Dish Pizza with Mushrooms, Peppers, and Onions

*we also like to add a tiny bit of Italian sausage to spice it up!  :) 

SO, gonna try to have Pizza and movie night next Friday night?  maybe you don't like movies, try pizza and game night!  Our friends have "Fun Fridays"  they have Pizza and then watch a movie, only they have popcorn too!  But they mix in mini marshmallows with their popcorn!  (it is YUM!!)

So, Party Friday night?  HeCk YeAh!  

Thanks lady! What a rad post! (its me, amber again by the way...) What a great way to start off Swinger Sunday! Feel free to comment away... show us pics of YOUR pizza nights... and if you decide to try the recipe you MUST come back and share your thoughts with us!! Heres a pic of our pizza night (different recipe, but still yummy, and loads of family fun :)